She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Randomize
