You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I am mentally ready for anal.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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