Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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