do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
