Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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