I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
