I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Randomize