If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
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Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
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We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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