it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
