careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
