im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Randomize