When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I FOUND THE LEGS
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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