also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Ladies don't puke and tell
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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