Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
