please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
