oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
where am i from again
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
whose parrot is this?
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
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