I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Randomize
