his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
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