Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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