how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
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It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
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Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
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