i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
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