ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
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