I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I booty called her while she was in labor.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
