Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Randomize
