Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Randomize
