Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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