I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
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