can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize