Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
