I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
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