my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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