i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize