I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize
