i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
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