Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I'm fucking your sister right now.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
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I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
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They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I need mimosas to revive my soul