Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Randomize
