that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Never joke about your clitoris.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
