Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
