I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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