on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
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