What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
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