Pregnant stripper...not hot.
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
