just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
