So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
