I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
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