A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Randomize
