they said they heard you say put it in my butt
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
