HIV tests are more positive than that guy
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
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