Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
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