you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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