Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
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