She is in my trunk
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
