im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
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so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
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I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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