If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
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