I can tuck mytits in my pants
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Randomize
