I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize