BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Randomize
