Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Everyone says I win the strip club
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
