he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
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