Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
