literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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