she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
