I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
