I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
