never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
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