i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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