I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Randomize
